Heartbreak

The young bar-girl Lynn was talking to decided not to come to XP's training centre. Lynn was in tears, telling us. Too afraid to trust the hand held out, she had decided to stay with the high-risk but more familiar environment in which she found herself.

That she did so is not as surprising as it seems at first glance. It is the proverbial frying pan and the fire situation. Yes, she knew she was in danger. But what she didn't know was whether or not she would be in greater danger if she went with this friendly white Western woman. Young women are trafficked to Thailand, Malaysia and further afield from Cambodia, lured by promises of work and development opportunities. How was she to know that this promised 'Everlasting Love' training program was not a trap?

The statistics are sobering. Rescue agencies tell us that for every girl saved from sexual exploitation, 99 are not. Needless to say, this situation has to change. Outreach is an important part of the task of building relationship and trust so that girls have confidence and know where to go for help.

Women at Risk....

Tonight we waited, chatting and eating delicious ice cream at the Blue Pumpkin, while Lynn and Jenn went to find a young girl, just a teenager, who was working in one of the bars - Jenn had made contact with her the day before, and we hoped that she would be able to come onto XP's 'Everlasting Love' Program. They had a very good chat with her, and it is all looking very positive. They will meet with her again tomorrow, and if she decides to do so, she could start as soon as next week. The biggest challenge is trust - when a young person has been betrayed by all she holds dear, why should she trust Western strangers, even if they are accompanied by Khmer translators. How is she to know we aren't traffickers with even worse plans for her future? Relationship building is careful work....

Back in our tuk-tuk, Lynn was in tears, describing how tightly this youngster had held onto her when Lynn hugged her... she was so very young, and so frightened, so uncertain who or what she could believe. Lynn was concerned about the Western men in the bar, who were watching with interested eyes. There is a real sense of urgency about the need to get this young woman out of the situation as soon as possible.

I was reminded of Siem. My heart still hurts, almost three years later, when I think of her. Such a sweet little girl. Far too sweet and innocent to be working in a karaoke bar in Poipet! How desperately she wanted to be rescued. It has been hard to forgive myself for leaving her, but at that time I was naive and didn't not realize how serious her situation was. And even if I had known what I know now, it was too soon - we were not yet in a position to help. It was the early days of Operation Justice and hardly anything was in place. Now there are  options... and XP can offer the girls a lifeline, opportunities, training - choices.

So where is Siem now? What happened to her? I have no way of knowing. I hope against hope that somehow, she did get out of her situation. The sad reality is that it is extremely unlikely that she could have done so - not without help. And so I look for her in every Khmer face I see. If I could find her, would it be too late? Would she be hardened, innocence betrayed, trust lost forever? I hope not. I hope she would still be open to hope. I hope she would not feel like I abandoned her.... which of course, is precisely what I did do. Not by desire or by choice, but that doesn't change how it must feel for her.

I said I would look for her... and I do. I will continue to do so. And I pray. I dream of finding Siem. I dream of walking up to a young girl one day and of her turning to look at me, and of me realising it is her. I'm glad I didn't promise I would find her, because so far, I have not been able to do so. There are so many young girls in prostitution in Asia; it is like hunting for the proverbial needle. I did tell her that I would look for her. And I said that I loved her, and that I would always love her. I remember the feeling of her, snuggled, bird-like against my side. I remember how desperately she clung to me when it was time to go. I remember the pain of walking away. Even though it was only one small encounter, I cannot forget her. She is in the heart of all I do here in Asia.

This is why I love being part of what XP Missions is doing. This is why I love touring the brand new women's ministry centre, aptly named 'Everlasting Love'. In fact, I have done so three times now. I love seeing the vision materialize. I love encountering our very first recruit, eagerly learning to sew. Seeing the joy in her face and the hope in her eyes. Knowing that this girl will no longer have to prostitute herself in order to survive. And she is the first of many who will come.... I see a time when the women's centre will be too small, and we will need another one. I see hundreds of beautiful women, discovering themselves and their gifts in freedom and dignity. I see restoration and hope and a future.... one by one by one. Engagement, encounter, affirmation, determination, hope. This is what love looks like. It always has.

Everlasting Love

One of the foundational dreams of the XP Missions project 'Operation Justice' was that there be opportunities created for young women to exchange prostitution for other means of producing an income. After the disruption of the Khmer Rouge and many years of civil war, Cambodia is still a country very much in recovery. Poverty can be extreme and when people are hungry, they find themselves making decisions out of very limited options. So it is not at all unusual to visit a brothel and find a young girl there, middle to late teens, who will tell you that she is doing this work because her father or mother is ill and they had to buy medicine, or because she is the eldest of her siblings and they are hungry. It is really heartbreaking, to look into these young eyes and think of my own daughters. If it is an older woman, the story is usually to do with a husband leaving or dying, and children needing food and shelter. What astonishes me the most is the extent to which a person is willing to sacrifice for the sake of her family.

When we spend time with the girls in the bars, we ask them about their lives, their hopes and dreams and their wishes for the future. We ask them if they like their work - no one has ever said 'Yes' - and what kind of work they would do instead if they had the choice. It's not all heavy and serious; like any conversations with young girls there is a lot of giggling and laughter. Especially when we attempt to sing along with Karaoke, or when we have nail-painting sessions. Simply, the hour that we have paid for the use of the Karaoke room is an hour in which these particular young women will not have to sell themselves. But in the midst of it all there are tears and stories of pain shared and, of course, hugs and prayer. We are women. And we share the burdens of womanhood.

On this particular trip we don't go to the Karioke bars. Instead we go to Wat Phnom, a Buddhist pagoda in the city, We know that there are prostitutes working in this area. We walk down the street and sure enough, every park bench has a woman sitting on it. We stop and talk to them, and one asks for prayer to help her find a new job - she has had an interview but doesn't yet know the outcome. On the next corner we find a young woman, who tells us that she has only been working here for a week. Her husband has left her for another woman and she has a young son. She is defensive as she tells us she has no choice. We invite her to come to our training centre and she says she will think about it.

The amazing and irrepressible Lynn

In the midst of this conversation a few other girls come over to hear what we have to say. One of them, hardened and jaded even though I am sure she is still young, tells us that she is very worried about this young woman because she hears her coughing and thinks she is not well. ''Also'', she says, ''she should sit with us and not by herself - she could get hurt if she is working alone.'' She encourages us to help her. I am touched by the obvious concern from a woman who has obviously not been a recipient of terribly much concern herself. We arrange for her to meet with Lynn, who oversees the training centre, the next day. (Sadly, when Lynn goes in search of her the next day, she is nowhere to be found...)

Last week XP opened their first training centre - aptly named 'Everlasting Love' - for women who want to leave prostitution. I felt very emotional as I toured this facility with Andrea. How we have dreamed and longed for this. And here it is - a small beginning, another option, an open door. Today there are young women registering for the 6 month training program, in which they will learn sewing. There are plans for other skills training opportunities, but this is how we begin. Their young children, if they have any, will come along to the centre for Preschool.

And while I am here I have the privilege of sharing with the first group of women on the Everlasting Love program. I tell them of the importance of forgiveness, even when it is impossibly difficult. I share from my own life experiences, and I speak of the grace and forgiveness of God, and one woman is in tears. It is so hard. So hard when you have been exploited and abused, to let go of the bitterness, the anger and the desire for revenge. But one woman, a woman whose husband sent her into prostitution because they had financial difficulties, totally gets it. Her face is wreathed in smiles as she takes over from me and begins to talk with passion about the same thing. Letting go and moving on. Recently she encountered the love of God for the first time. Now we get to see the life-giving love of Jesus at work. He always brings hope and restoration.

Note: Just 1 year later, these are the kinds of things that are being produced by these women... 

 Everlasting Love - Shop

Myanmar - Day 1

After travelling for 28 hours via London, Paris and Bangkok, I finally arrived in Yangon.

I was excited and happy to see David. To be honest, I was also just a bit scared. I didn't know much about Burma, now called Myanmar, but in the past I had heard that it was a repressed society and a controlling regime that didn't appear to allow freedom of thought or religion. And one that didn't appear too concerned about restricting, forcibly if need be, the actions and movements of foreigners to the country either. I knew of the persecutions missionaries had endured in the past. And I knew that Open Doors had ranked Myanmar as number 25 on their Watch List of countries where persecution of Christians is most severe. I had little idea of what to expect, but had the thought that it might be decidedly uncomfortable. And so my initial response to David's invitation to visit his country was 'No thanks...' But the idea would not go away. And when my friend Linda asked me to join her on a trip to Myanmar, I began to give the idea some serious consideration, And then of course, that beautiful song, 'Oceans' rocketed to the top of the Christian worship songs list. I was challenged, over and over and over again by its uncompromising lyrics:

You call me out upon the waters,

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Saviour...

As the months passed by, the idea began to move beyond idea to possibility - and now, here I was. Later, as I stood up to speak in a large hot room at the top of a building in Yangon, I would honour David for his persistence in holding onto a vision he believed was from God, and for persevering in dreaming, praying and asking until it came to pass.

I received such a warm welcome at the airport from my young friend and his companions. Any anxieties I might have had were instantly allayed by their smiling faces. I was given a beautiful pearl necklace from David's family as a welcome gift, and many photographs were taken. I felt like a celebrity :-)

We took a taxi to the hotel. It was interesting to see Myanmar for the first time, which, at first glance, does not look that different to Thailand and Cambodia. Of course the differences become apparent within a short while, but the vegetation is similar. There are many beautiful buildings from the era of colonial Britain, but sadly many are run down and are in need of care. There are lots of building projects though, and, of course, many beautiful pagodas. The city is lively and busy, and evidence of wealth and evidence of poverty are all jumbled up together. One thing that makes things much more manageable than Phnom Penh is that motorbikes are not allowed in the city.

Although I had had a very good trip, I was feeling tired, and my body clock was rather disorientated, as I was now almost 7 hours ahead of my UK schedule. I was looking forward to a rest at my hotel, but there was no time for that. I had been invited to speak to a group of students. So it was just a quick change and a snack and then off out. One look at these students quickly dealt with any sorry-for-me feelings. It didn't take me long to realize that I was deeply privileged to meet them. Aged between 18 and 25, they come from remote villages, and spend 9 months in Yangon, training as pastors and missionaries, after which they return to their communities. They live, study and work in the same building for that period of time, except when they go on outreaches. The depth of their passion and commitment is a challenge to the Western church.

Linda and I were delighted to see each other. It is rather incredible, when you think of it, that two middle-aged ladies who met just once before, two years previously, had chosen to travel half-way around their respective worlds, to meet up in a country which neither had visited before, in response to the repeated invitations of another person, David Joy, whom we had also only met once before. And it is incredible to think that the three of us had met in Cambodia, as part of an XP Missions team, and that Linda was from America, I was from England, and David from Myanmar, and that now we were were together again in his home country.  It was actually incredible to think that we were in Myanmar at all. Who would ever have thought such a thing, in the years when were were growing up and Burma was a far-away country heard of briefly in Geography classes and in occasional news reports? Certainly not me!

On this first evening I was invited to share a few thoughts with a Youth Group. I knew they were Bible College

students, but honestly, nothing could have prepared me for the passion and the devotion of these young people. They were young in years but certainly not in spirit. I was shocked and awed by them, and by the uncompromising purity of their commitment to Jesus in a country in which persecution is more than a possible outcome. They were expectant and focused. We began with worship, and then Linda spoke about the Feasts of the Lord. It was very hot, and we had some lovely young women sit with us and fan us to keep us a little cooler for the WHOLE evening. I am sure their arms got tired, but they served us with patience and smiles. It really touched my heart. In fact, the whole week did that. Throughout our stay we were treated as precious treasure, and our every wish was catered for. We didn't pay for our own meals, not even once, and everywhere we went we were showered with gifts, gifts of traditional tribal fabrics, clothing, jewellery and food. We had a hard time remembering, a lot of time, who was ministering to whom….

After Linda had spoken for some time. David explained about the Tallith, the traditional Jewish prayer shawl. Looking at the discomfort the students were enduring, sitting crowded together on a hard floor in a hot room, I thought that maybe that was enough, and that I should not speak that night. In fact, they were shocked at the very idea. Didn’t I have anything to share with them? So I picked up my Bible and asked the Lord what He wanted me to tell them. I remembered how, when I was their age, I had been so totally impacted by Prov 3:5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, 

and do not lean on your own understanding. 

In all your ways, acknowledge Him, 

and He will direct your paths.

We read this text together and then I spoke, point by point, about God’s promise… that if we trust in Him, don’t depend on our own understanding but on His, and acknowledge Him in ALL our ways, He will make our paths straight and lead us in the way we should go. It was a powerful word, much more so than even I had expected.

When I finished I asked if anyone wanted to recommit – of course I knew they were already committed, because they were at Bible College – to a lifestyle in which they would choose to acknowledge the Lord in ALL their ways. Going on previous experience in the Western world, I expected a few to come to the front for prayer.

To my amazement, about half of the students streamed to the front, where they fell on their knees, worshiping and crying out their commitment to acknowledge God in all things. Linda and I were not sure what to do, as we didn’t know the language, and there was no way we could have prayed for each person individually with our one translator. I asked God what to do, and felt just to go from person to person, laying hands on them and allowing God to do the work. This Linda and I proceeded to do. We had such a powerful sense of touching precious and anointed vessels of God, His treasure, and knowing that many of them might experience persecution and suffering for this promise, even death, made it all the more poignant. I was close to tears the whole time, and I felt so honoured to have been permitted to minister to them.

There are times in your life when you find yourself close to the holy things of the Lord, and even in the privileged position of being His daughter, I know that this is very sacred, and to tread carefully and to handle His things with great respect. This was one of those times. This is what my first encounter with the radical, passionate, laid down lovers of Jesus in Myanmar, the Burmese Christians, was like. It set the tone for the week, and I have to say, that it was the same everywhere I went.

Packing for Asia

Packing. Always such a challenge. How do I fit my clothing for three weeks, the gifts for the children in the safe house and for my friends, and all the things I want to take for the children in the slums into that 1 suitcase and that measly 20kg allowance?

I fit as much as possible into my hand luggage, and squeeze and shove objects into every nook and cranny of space. I am so excited about every single item, and I am not willing to leave anything behind.

I am of course most excited about the children's presents. For Johnnie I have some beautiful artist's pens and a very detailed colouring book. And for Esther there is a pink tea set, with a teapot that sings cute songs and that speaks in a very proper voice: 'Shall we have some tea?' I can't wait to see her face when she hears it.

Eventually I accept that my suitcase is full and I weigh it and weigh it, hoping each time that it will weigh a little less than the 27kg the scales tell me it weighs. It doesn't.

My friend Fabiola and I pray over it, asking that somehow, I will be allowed to take everything with me. I decide that if necessary I will jettison the sweets at the airport, and decide to wait and see what happens. Somehow, I have a feeling that all shall be most well.....

At the airport my suitcase is passed without comment. A 'Heavy' tag is put on it. But I am not asked to pay in anything. With a sense of being looked after, I breeze my way through security.

Interestingly, before I reach my final destination of Phnom Penh where most of the contents of my suitcase are going, I take 4 flights on smaller planes with Bangkok Air, and with Angkor Air. As I queue for check-in I pray, and feel again that strong sense that all is well. I am reminded that I am His child, a princess, and i hold my head high. On the other side of the world Fabiola and Jeremy are praying too - I have sent them a text to tell them I am in the queue. And everywhere I am treated like royalty, with smiles and courtesy, and no one tells me I am not allowed to take all that weight, even though they comment that my suitcase is very heavy! I arrive gleefully overloaded with all the sweets and toys and gifts I wanted to bring. Thanks be to God...

Asia Anticipations

Two days to departure. I am super excited and a little tense as I encounter the usual challenge of really wanting to go and really wanting to stay! Cambodia pulls and I find myself yearning to be there again. And there is a real sense of rightness in this trip to Myanmar too. But I don't like leaving my home, Craig, my precious children and my ponies. There is always a cost, and it is seldom the material one that hurts.

Our lounge has been taken over with toys and sweets, wrapping paper, mysterious parcels and summer clothing. It feels like Christmas as we wrap presents for precious children in far away countries. I am now packing things into my suitcase, and I am already on my weight limit! And that is without toiletries, shoes and personal items. Oops....

I am busy finalizing my talks for the Bible College in Yangon. I will be teaching on 'Praise and Worship' - why it matters, and how to do it (that is kind of obvious, but it is interesting to look at the Hebrew root words and Biblical practices). Most evenings we are also busy, meeting with various Christian home groups and Youth Groups. These will be less formal opportunities to share our experience of life with God. I will be sharing around the theme of the 'Father Heart of God'. Sunday the 16th, I speak in an Assemblies of God church, and my topic is 'The Family of God'. This is very appropriate, when I consider that my first 'home' as a new Christian was with an Assembles of God church.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I travel. 27 or so hours of travel lie ahead of me, and I am speaking the night I arrive. I hope I can stay awake :-) The grace of God!

More information about Myanmar here:
BBC Country Profile - Myanmar
Aung San Suu Kyi, political leader of Myanmar