Cambodia Trip - Wednesday, Day 10

It was really hot today. As I emerged from my hotel, the heat hit me in the face, and only the thought of the air-conditioning in Destiny Cafe stopped me turning back again. I found myself feeling like I really ought to be doing ‘something’ on this, my last day in Cambodia for now.

Instead, I bought iced coffee and sat quietly, enjoying the unexpected luxury of unallocated ‘free’ time. In fact, all three these days have been like this; time, carved out of my busy life, in which to reflect and write and think. Time to tidy my feelings and emotions and experiences, not just for this last week in Cambodia, but also for the preceding ones in Brazil. I have been so busy; there has been little time to reflect, and the days have meshed into a hodge podge of pain and suffering and sorrow and loving and laughter and joy. What a privilege it is to be human, and to touch hearts across the barriers of language and culture. There truly is a universal language, I am discovering.

So how do I feel, all these weeks of ‘missions’ and ‘outreach’ under my belt (such spiritual, noble-sounding words those). In actual fact, all I have done is live. Fully, wholeheartedly, deeply engaged, the way – increasingly this is my conclusion - we are supposed to live all of our time. Spending time with people who live with all but the essentials stripped away, I have had a chance to evaluate what matters most. Reaching out, touching, feeling, sharing; it is relationship that makes life precious. Most of my friends would concur with these high sentiments. But I have been able to live it in an intensely focused way for a while. I have been privileged to meet with people whose faces are now forever painted on my heart.

Alongside my thoughts and impressions of these few weeks, I wrestle with the tragic and unbelievable news of the death of James Roberts, 3* Parelli Instructor. I knew James, but not well. He was one of the many satellites in my horsemanship circle. Did I say satellite? It is probably more accurate to say ‘star’. Knowing he was there, hearing from friends who did courses with him, seeing him at Parelli Celebrations – it was always in my mind that ‘one day’, when I was ready, I would do an Experience Week with him. And after conversations with my good friends Karen & Russell Barker, who had done two of these weeks with James, I had decided that 2013 would be the year. One of the things on my ‘To Do’ list for my return to the UK after this trip was to book this Experience Week – hopefully along with another good NH friend, Sue Rowe. This thought, in the back of my mind, was both challenging and exciting. I was not sure I was ready for James yet, but I was aiming to be. And now this has to be one of the dreams that dies. Like a child born far too soon, there is no way to sustain it. Much as my deeper self argues with this fact and refuses to accept it, there is no other option. Because James died on Sunday, in a car accident. And none of us who saw his light can believe it.

James was a fine horseman, with tremendous courage, vision and purpose. The few times I ever spoke to him, I found him generous with his attention - thoughtful and kind. He gave me advice, way back when my daughter Kerrin was just a young and dream-filled teenager, about how best to support her in her pursuit of good horsemanship and the Parelli pathway. He offered for her to come and work with him so that she could gain experience and insight. He also offered free tuition for any of my children alongside me should I come on a course. Sadly my hip problem meant that I did not take him up on his offer. But I never forgot his generosity or his smile.

I first met him just after he had purchased his ‘Foundation Station’, and it was wonderful to hear his ideas. Wonderful to walk around on his property, and to feel the energy of the dream. Wonderful to watch, from a distance, as he made those ideas reality. Wonderful to hear from so many, who were encouraged and who found their horsemanship enhanced after time with him, laying proper foundations in their horsemanship.

He was – is – inspirational. He demonstrated what can be done with a big purpose and a little bit of time. I am so sad to find that I will never, now, get to learn directly from his wisdom.

Which brings me back to my earlier thoughts about relationship. Unfortunately we have no way of knowing how long we have with each other, when next we will have that chance to say ‘Hey, I care about you!’ I am glad to have had the chance to practise caring in extreme contexts these few weeks, and I find myself going home with an even deeper resolve to live mindfully, thoughtfully and lovingly.

Carpe Deum!

I sat chatting with Andrea and Brenda for a while, and then Paala did my nails for me. This was wonderful, not just because it was the first time that I have ever had nails long enough to be ‘done’, but also because they were done by Paala. Paala is the lady, you may recall if you followed my blog about the first trip to Poipet, who went to Patricia King and asked her for a ‘righteous job’. Six months later it was my privilege to experience, first hand, the effects of the training Paala had received as a result, training that has opened up a new world for her.

And then it was time, if I wanted to feed street children one more time, to head for the border. I had money from Elizabeth for this purpose. Parking the truck at the roundabout, we found a couple of the children and asked them if they were hungry. Within a short time we had a crowd of enthusiastic children, and we headed for a street vendor who was soon busy cooking noodles for them. A mother came over with her small child who was hot and feverish; we prayed for him and commiserated with her in language without words. She too joined the growing group of people waiting for food. And then two old ladies joined us, indicating that they too were hungry. They were absurdly grateful when we said ok, we would get noodles for them too. Our street vendor was kept very busy, cooking; including the old ladies we fed 15. Fifteen people with food in their tummies for today. Total cost? 440 Thai Baht, or £8.99.

Then there was time to hug the children and to try to explain to them that I was leaving to go away on an aeroplane. (Miming up, up, up in the sky). It took a while, but suddenly they understood, and I was surrounded by hugging bodies and smiling faces saying ‘Aw Khun’ (Thank you) and ‘Lea Hai’ (Goodbye). Tears threatened to overwhelm me as I gave a few last hugs and then I said ‘Goodbye’ to Andrea and headed for the Cambodia border office. Passport stamped I headed past the Casinos towards the Thai border office. Here there was a very long queue and it was more than an hour before I was finally on my way. By now I had met up with the Cambodian representative of my taxi service, and he accompanied me to the parking area on the Thai side of the border. Here we waited for my driver to arrive. He said that he had noticed me feeding the children, and he asked what I was doing in Poipet. I shared that I came because I loved the children and wanted to help them... at which point he bowed and formally thanked me for caring about the children of Cambodia. The innate courtesy of these people is very moving.

The driver was late, and we were kept waiting for a while, wondering what had happened to delay him. It was a surprise to find that I had the same driver who had brought me to Poipet, 10 days before. He greeted me like an old friend, and it was with a lot of warmth that we prepared to set off on the long drive towards Bangkok. Unfortunately he did not speak much English, so our communications were limited to smiles and gestures.

Just as we were about to leave a young woman had arrived – it turned out that she had hoped to catch a bus to Bangkok, but she had missed the last bus of the day. She was in an awkward position, as she had already crossed the border, and it would be difficult for her to go back. And there was no sign of anywhere to stay for the night where we were. I offered for her to travel with us, at which point she almost cried, saying that she had been praying and praying for help. I then said that maybe this was exactly why we had been delayed; that God had known she was coming, even though we didn’t. She turned out to be from the Phillipines, and she had had a holiday, travelling from Vietnam, across Cambodia to Thailand. She was now on her way home. It was good to have company in the car, and we chatted for a while until she fell asleep. The drive to Bangkok takes about 3 hours, and it felt very long in the darkness.

At my hotel I tumbled thankfully into my bed, too tired even to eat. Besides which, I had spent the last of my Thai Baht on the street children, forgetting that I might need something to eat myself when I arrived in Bangkok!

Cambodia Trip - Tuesday, Day 9

I have just spent an hour with Sam*. And with this hour I have come full circle. It was the story of Sam that first opened up my heart to the possibility of coming to Cambodia. Late one night, I had sat, horrified, tears pouring down my cheeks as I watched the video clip XP released of the rescue of this severely abused and traumatised  child. And short months later I was in the conference in Devon when Patricia King spoke about what she had seen and experienced in Poipet, Cambodia. When she asked who would like to help. I was one of those who stood to my feet, and later I went to ask her about coming on an outreach week with Operation Justice – which I ended up doing just months later. But I did not meet Sam. I did not expect to meet him, knowing that he was in need of special care and that he was under the protection of social workers and XP.

Last night I mentioned in passing how it is that one event can trigger a response and a whole new direction. Andrea then said she would enquire as to whether I could have a bit of time to meet this child whose story had determined so much of what my year has been about. And so this morning, while she had a meeting to discuss some of his future care arrangements, I got to play Lego with Sam. He must have wondered why this funny English woman had such a huge and perpetual grin on her face! He spent quite a bit of time trying to rub a freckle off my arm; he seemed pretty sure that it was a dirty mark! I built a house out of Lego for him, but he was much more interested in building towers. I made some stairs for his tower, and that idea met with his approval. And he especially appreciated the small container of bubbles I gave him – but he wouldn’t blow them, or let me or anyone else blow them either! And when he had had enough of my company, he pushed me away and hid under the table. I spent time with some of the other children, and every time I looked in his direction, he smiled but motioned me away. Later the school children came over and asked if I was his teacher. I said that I was Sam’s friend. Which I am.

I then went along to have cake in honour of XP staff member Betty who was leaving today. Five of us went along on the trip to take Betty to Siem Reap airport – me, Andrea, Zoe, Gunther and Brenda. It was good to have time to relax and to experience ‘normal’ life. It has also been good to meet other NGO volunteers involved with different projects. There are some amazing people here.

The drive to Siem Reap takes about 2 ½ hours and there is a lot to see along the way. Right now Cambodia is a rich green, after the rainy season and with the rice ready for harvest. All along the way there were tarpaulins spread out and rice drying in the sun. Rice was also being harvested and there was a lot of activity in the fields. Cattle and water buffalo were everywhere, as were the dogs. At one point we even saw a large snake wiggling across the road. Surprisingly, one seldom sees animals killed by cars. In this society where only the strong survive, do they just have more road sense than our Western animals?

The countryside is very beautiful at this time of year. I enjoy drawing in all the scenery, the way the houses blend into and enhance their environment – beautifully shaped red roofs are particularly lovely. I found myself hoping that one of these days, there would be opportunity to explore Cambodia more. I realise again that Poipet is part of Cambodia, but that there is so much more than what I know right now. I would like to see Phnom Penh, and Sihanoukville, and the Tonle Sap and the mountains and, and, and... I would enjoy to have time and opportunity to take some really good photographs to add to the hasty, ‘on the run’ snapshots I have of this beautiful country and these beautiful people.

In Siem Reap we had supper (I had rice and chicken cooked in coconut and Khmer spices – delicious!) Brenda had definite ideas about our activities for the evening, so we called her ‘Agenda Brenda’ and obediently went along with her plans. These included ice cream, and a foot massage, and shopping at the night market. We had fun! Later we took Betty to the airport and then set off on the long drive back to Poipet. We were grateful for Gunther’s driving skills; he got us safely back to the hotel by midnight.  

* Name changed to protect privacy

Cambodia Trip - Monday, Day 8

I woke up to the strange feeling of a day without an agenda. Feeling momentarily lost, I got up and had a shower and sorted my papers and money (UK Pound, USA Dollar, Thai Baht and Cambodian Real – it gets really confusing after a while!) Dressed and tidied, I went off to Destiny Cafe for breakfast after an amazing ‘God Time’. So glad to know He hasn’t left with the rest of the team!

For breakfast I had an omelette. The staff at Destiny do a really good job of making Western-style food. They are amused, always, at my request for strong black coffee – cold, not hot, and with lots of ice! (This is one of the few places around here where it is safe to have ice.) Breakfast eaten, I got on with the job of writing my updates, typing up my notes from the week before, and sorting photographs from Brazil. It was good to have time to do these things.

I had lunch with Betty at one of the casinos. I followed her direction and ordered the meal she likes most – chicken with cashew nuts. Delicious! To drink, of course, I had coconut juice. I won’t have many more opportunities to have my favourite drink this year. Over lunch we had a good chat about the grand adventure we experience with God, and the uncertainty we learn to live with. Betty is facing some big changes in the near future. She does so, equipped with a great history of seeing God’s interventions in her days. I look forward to seeing what will happen next.

Emerging from the casino we were met by some of ‘our’ street children. Smiling they came running over, eager for hugs. This is one small thing that makes me very happy. That they know we are going to be pleased to see them, and that we will treat them like normal children we know, and laugh and smile and hug. These are the children of darkness, the children whom people hesitate to touch, because they are scruffy and dirty and probably have lice. The children for whom touch most commonly is in the form of a slap or a push or a kick. But they have helped us see beneath the surface.

I hugged the boy who caught my eye on that first day – caught it because of the stoic endurance in his young face and the sadness in his eyes. Today his grin was wide and his eyes dancing. He snuggled into my hug, and when I offered him second hug after the others had had theirs, he smiled with pure happiness. His life is hard. I know a hug doesn’t change that. But I like to think that maybe this moment gives him strength for it, at least for today. And again I see it – it is not such a big and difficult thing to make a difference in the life of a child. Love really is what makes the world go around. The challenge is in finding how to express that love most effectively.

Later Betty asked me what I would do; what was the one thing I would change here in Poipet right now if it were possible. And my answer was a simple one. A beginning. And as I said it, I wondered if this was not exactly what I am supposed to do. I answered her question without hesitation; in fact, I didn’t even have to think: ‘I would like the street children to be given food and water and then some basic education, every day, or at least a few days of every week’. This answer embraces the reality that I, ‘Westerner’, don’t have the power or even the understanding needed to change their situation. But I can make it better. We can. At least these children could go to sleep without the need to ignore thirst because they had no money to buy bottled water. At least they could work with energy because they have had something to eat. And perhaps, if they could learn to read and write, they could find a way out of the lifestyle of abuse and exploitation that they live. Most of all, in reaching out a hand, we transfer a strong and very powerful message  – ‘You are deserving, you are a good person, you are worth it.’

Earlier Andrea had given me a phone so that she could phone me to let me know when she was finished with her meetings; we planned to have supper together. Very focused on my photo editing task, I did not at first realise that the phone that had been ringing so insistently at various intervals over the last 40 minutes or so was the one she had lent me! In my defence I will say that it was a different ringtone; truth is that I was amazed at the power of focus – how it shuts out all distractions. Now to utilise the same degree of focus in my horsemanship!

We went to yet another restaurant at the Casino for supper... I was not hungry at all, and so I just had a coffee milkshake. And we chatted about the children and about my ideas with regard to starting up some sort of preschool/‘mums and littlies’ education project. Called ‘Roots’, the focus will be on empowering and envisioning mothers, and on laying good educational foundations for small children. We discussed some of the cultural and social challenges, not least of which is the Asian perspective that the purpose of children is to look after their parents. The Asian picture of family development seems to be more of a circle, while the Western one is more linear. We have much to give to each other. But I realise afresh that I have such a lot to learn. My conclusion is that the idea of ‘Roots’ is good, but maybe a little premature... I am going to hold onto it for a while; maybe begin developing the curriculum, and wait to see what develops about implementation next year after the Poipet church has had more time to get established. Initially I had thought to run the project through CHO; for various reasons this no longer seems feasible. And I am certainly not ready to try to do something on my own. I need the experience and guidance of people who understand Cambodia better than I do.

Alongside this, I realise that I have another emphasis – street children. This emphasis came up in both Brazil and Cambodia, and I find my heart responding. I wonder whether this is part of my picture.... I will wait and pray and see. It would be so good to see some sort of basic needs provision in place. But chatting with Andrea, I realise that my simple idea, of food and water, is harder to implement than it seems. There are many hidden cultural and political and social challenges – potential pitfalls – that could sabotage my great idea. Andrea encourages me with the reminder that the thought that is ‘Is too hard to implement’ is not the correct answer; that there is a way that will work, but that persistence and perseverance is needed to find it.

Back in my hotel room I am quiet and thoughtful. Hey God!

Cambodia Trip - Sunday, Day 7

So it is the end of Operation Justice for November 2012.

It was sad saying ‘Goodbye’ to all the team members, and yet again I was left thinking how funny it is that just 10 days ago we would have passed each other in the street without a second glance, but now we are really sad to be parted from each other. There is something about being out on an extreme together that forges bonds more quickly than normal. 

The team members who were flying out from Bangkok left at 09h00. The rest of us went to church. What a privilege to share fellowship with part of the Cambodian church in Poipet. Participating in worship in Khmer was particularly moving. Of course, I couldn’t sing in Khmer, but I could certainly join in the proclamation of God’s goodness (the words were translated into English on the screen). For the sermon we were given earphones so that we could listen in to one of our interpreters translating for us. Straight after church the rest of the team left, in order to take flights leaving from Siem Reap. I went for lunch with Malina and Andrea and the rest of the long-term staff. We went to a Western restaurant at the border, and I had a pizza, but with spicy Thai chicken on top – so it was a compromise of sorts!

As we came out of the restaurant the border kids came running; they had seen us through the window of the restaurant and were waiting outside. Quick hugs and the last of the chocolates were dispensed, and then we went back to our hotel. I collected my laptop and went off to Destiny Cafe, where I intended to spend a quiet afternoon writing up my notes from this last week.

However, this idea was quickly sabotaged by a cute young boy, who came over to see my photographs. After a while I got talking to Andrea, and while I was doing this, he found a game on my Facebook page – which he then, of course, asked to play. I couldn’t say no to that sweet and expectant face, and so I lost control of my computer for a couple of hours. I ended up helping him play all the way up to Level 12. Those of you who know me well know how much I dislike games. You also possibly know that no-one ever gets to play games on my laptop. But yeh, I not only allowed this young fellow to play; I even assisted him! Eventually we reached a Level where we would have needed to buy some ‘tools’ to be allowed to continue; at this point I put my foot down and said ‘No more!’. Which is how come I am now finally writing this update! *

Betty offered to take me to get some supper, but after a week of eating mainly rice, the pizza has turned out to be more than enough food. Hours later I still feel full! I will probably treat myself to a coconut juice before bed. And I most certainly intend to have an early night for once!

* What I didn't know at the time was that I would not only let this youngster use my laptop; Craig and I would also end up sponsoring his education. It was an appointed and important time, that afternoon of gaming!

Cambodia Trip - Saturday, Day 6

I woke up to total darkness. Power failure. And although I did have a torch, I had no idea where I had put it! So I showered in the dark and then used my iPhone to find the torch, hidden under a pile of clothes in the wardrobe (in my defence I’ll say that I had not needed it till now).

Brushing my teeth, and rinsing with bottled water, I thought again of this tremendous privilege that we in the West take so for granted – that of clean, safe, drinking water. In Poipet safe water needs to be bought by the bottle. What happens if you don’t have any money?

At Hope and Health there was oats for breakfast! I was surprised; although Andrea told me that there had been oats in May, I had not noticed them. To be honest, I couldn’t imagine wanting to eat oats here. I like them in winter in England – they are a great ‘cold country food’. Instead I had juice with ice, followed by two cups of coffee.

‘God Time’ at the XP Centre was great. A good way to start the final day of this particular Operation Justice trip. Malina and Bart both shared a bit about adjusting back to ‘normal’ life in our home countries. We prayed for our interpreters, who have all been such an amazing support to us. There is no way we could do what we do here without their help. We filled out Feedback forms. And then had time to chat and relax until lunch.

After lunch I had some more time to chat with friends - and to tidy my photos and upload them on Facebook. I did this at Destiny Cafe, while waiting for Eliza, who was having her hair done. She and I had volunteered to teach English at a nearby church.

15h00 found us waiting expectantly on the sidewalk for our transport, but it didn’t come. Lay noticed us waiting and so he came over to find out if we had a problem. He then phoned to arrange transport for us, and decided that he would take me on the back of Samnang’s motorbike, and called for another motorbike (taxi) to take Eliza. Eliza zoomed off with her driver, and Lay and I followed. Within a short while they were out of sight, and Lay and I were lost. It had been raining pretty hard the night before, and the roads were very muddy. Lay was worried about slipping, and we negotiated our way slowly and carefully. We went down one road and up another and we couldn’t find the church. Someone said it was down another road and we tried taking it, only to find that it was a deep muddy pool. Interesting! Poor Lay’s nice shoes were soon coated in mud as he kept putting his foot down to stop the bike falling over. The water was disgustingly dirty and full of refuse; one certainly didn’t want to fall into it. How these people manage to live in these conditions at all is amazing. There were houses on either side of the road, and in some cases the water was running on the doorsteps.

Eventually Lay found a reasonably dry place – in the middle of the road (!) where he left me holding the bike while he went to ask for directions. I used the moment to take a photograph – but this was the best of the roads we went down; I hadn’t dared get the camera out at any other stage in case we fell over. Waiting, I wondered what to do if a car came down the road, but fortunately Lay came back just as a truck wended its way towards us, and moved the bike out of the way. He was so concerned to make sure that I did not get muddy even though it meant his own shoes were covered in muck; the never-ending graciousness and servant heart of this man blesses me so much.  

We went down a track and up another... and there was the church. Eliza was just beginning to wonder where I was, and I think she was relieved to find that she would not be teaching the class on her own. We had been under the impression that we were going to teach one or two adults; however, there was a group of about 14 teenagers ready and waiting for us. They already had a good basic knowledge of English, and they asked if we could do a Bible story with them. We chose ‘Jesus and the Storm’. Considering what happened a little while alter, this was an excellent choice!

First the students read the story in their own Khmer Bibles. And then, using drawings and actions, and writing key words and phrases, on the whiteboard we told the story and got them to repeat it after us. We did this over and over until they could tell the story themselves. We then talked about the reason why Jesus said: ‘Do not be afraid!’ (Because He was with them). Lay helped with translating each step of the way. 

Later they drew a drawing to illustrate the story in their books and copied in the words. We ended by memorising the Scripture in Matthew 28:20, in which Jesus reassures us that He is with us, always, to the very end of the age. Knowing how tough life can be for these youngsters, I wanted to leave them with something that would encourage them, not just improve their English.

As we were about to leave, the rain came down. And when I say it came down, it really really did. In sheets of water that turned the already muddy road in front of the church into a river within moments. The children were delighted, and soon they were all running up and down, playing in the water. We waited hopefully, thinking the rain might stop in a while, but as there was no sign of it doing so, and as no-one would possibly be able to fetch us on a motorbike in these conditions, we decided to walk back. Lay was so concerned about us, but we assured him that we would be fine. Which we were, even though we got soaked, to the skin, within a few minutes of stepping out into the rain. Lay had borrowed an umbrella, but it was not much use, as we had to pick our way back and forth through the mud. Poor Lay! I think he might have regretted his generous offer to help us when he could have had the afternoon off!

In the beginning I was feeling squeamish about the water, knowing what it had looked like earlier when we were on our way to the church. But watching the kids playing in it with such glee gave me a sense of perspective again. Eliza and I decided to return to childhood, and so we marched along (well, we tried to march - truth is there was a lot off slipping and sliding), singing ‘I’ll become even more undignified than this’. 

The children soon caught on to our song and danced around us, singing it too. Lay gave up worrying about his charges getting wet and muddy and joined us in laughing our way back to the hotel. We certainly made a memory today! I said that in days to come, I would tell the story about what happened the day Lay and I went somewhere together, and the visuals of this idea were so funny to us that we laughed and laughed. Which the children found funny, so they laughed too. They kept making comments about ‘The English’; I think it amused them immensely to watch us dealing with conditions that they experience often. 

Along the way, water was running off the roofs of some of the shops, and, as if they were not wet enough already, the children stood under the water as if it was a shower. Later Eliza and I wondered what would have happened had we joined them... sadly we did not think of the idea in time, so we will never know. I suspect they would have found it hilarious. The children accompanied us all the way back to our hotel, and reluctantly said ‘Goodbye’ when we told them to go home. We certainly didn’t want them anywhere near the main street in that vision-obscuring rain.

At our hotel I had time for a very quick shower and change and then it was off to the border for supper at the Casino. Most of our team went to the Western restaurant, but a few of us went with Sam Eng to the Asian buffet. I had Thai Green curry, which I love, and followed on with Thai noodles and chicken. Of course I did not need both, but as I couldn’t choose between the two, I had both! To finish, I had Sam’s drink of strong expresso coffee mixed with condensed milk – which was delicious.

As we were leaving, to our delight, Wav, one of the teenage boys Aaron and Sambo and I had taken for lunch the day before came past. Aaron was so happy, as he had kept some of his meal in the hope that he would find one of the boys, and he was able to give it to Wav.

We then all went back to the XP Centre where our team members were prayed for and encouraged. I sat with Narith and Sambo, feeling a bit sad that it was our last evening together for now. I was very blessed when Narith prayed for me. He prayed in Khmer, and I didn’t understand a word, but this did not matter, knowing that God did! I certainly felt the love and the joy that came with it. 

Much later, sitting at our hotel, I listened quietly, full-hearted, as Narith shared his life story, his vision and his dreams for ministry with me. Yet again I felt very privileged to have been given the gift of friendship with this man. Born in 1979, just before the Khmer Rouge lost power, he has lived through so much of what I only know as history. And out of the tragedy of a nation cut down, God has brought him into life and light and restoration. He is testimony to what God does here in Cambodia.  

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent 

about things that matter.

~   Martin Luther King, Jr.

Cambodia Trip - Friday, Day 5

Well, it has been a rather heart wrenching morning. After a good time of worship and a great teaching by Aaron on the Qualities of a Forerunner, a few of us went with Malina to take some border children for another meal. 

Malina had said to collect six children at the most, and so while she arranged for our groups visit at the restaurant, Kristen and Sophy and I went in search of children. I really wanted to connect with a few of the older children, to hear from their what their lives were like. Sophy had warned me that they would probably be drunk or high, but this was still on my heart. After a while we found one teenage boy that she knew, so we invited him, and then a group of teens came running and we had to be resolute in choosing just three; Sophy (who had had previous experience to give her wisdom) was adamant that taking a large group of teens would have been unmanageable. We also found most of the younger children we had fed a few days before – and from these we could not just choose three, so we piled them all in and filled our vehicle to capacity. Arriving at the restaurant we sheepishly told Malina that we were not that good at counting – we must have had at least twelve children with us. So more tables had to be rearranged and it was a while before everyone could be seated.

While we waited for the food to come, Aaron and I talked with the older boys, Sambo interpreting. Two of them were 18 years old, and the other was 17. Apparently one boy works as a cart puller, and the other two work collecting bottles and cans for recycling – earning between 100 and 400 Thai Baht each day, depending on how much work they got. The average was 200 Thai Baht. 

Like the younger children, they willingly answered our questions:

‘How much does it cost to survive each day?’

‘150 Baht, but sometimes there is no money for water and then we go to sleep thirsty.’

‘Where do you sleep?

‘Against the wall where you found us.’

‘Do you have a family?’

‘No’, ‘No’ and ‘Yes, my mother died, but I have a father and a sister’.

Set, 18 years old and working as a
cart puller. 

The boy who had family then told us that he works (pulling carts) and sends money home to his dad so that his sister can go to school. Aaron said that this was a very honourable thing to do and that it showed that he has a heart for his family. He smiled and thanked Aaron, but then volunteered the information that he sniffs glue, almost as if he didn't want us to think more highly of him than was fair. We asked if the other boys do this as well, and they said ‘Yes’. I asked why. He said: ‘Because it makes me fly...’, and ‘For a while I can forget about things...’

We asked the boys what they would like to do if it were possible for them to change their lives? The cart puller said he would like to train as a motorbike mechanic, because then he could earn very good money. The other boy wanted to be a tailor. The third didn’t say anything. I asked Sambo if there was anywhere that these boys could train if it were possible to get funding for them. These are not very big ambitions. Surely there must be a way to fulfill them? He said he didn’t know of anywhere here; maybe in Phnom Penh (9 – 10 hours away). I asked if there was anywhere they could get help to give up drugs and glue sniffing if they wanted to. Apparently there is a centre, about 60km away, but it caters for children from wealthy families, and Sambo was not sure if they would accept street children, even if someone was willing to sponsor them. What would it cost to go to this centre? $500 on entry, and $100 per month thereafter. But he heard that there is a long waiting list, because the centre is full.

The boy in the middle is the one who said that
he had never had a proper meal.

Meanwhile the food had arrived. It was a feast of rice and different toppings, and they ate and ate and ate. We asked if they had eaten yet today? ‘No’. And when was the last time they had eaten a proper meal like this? And the 17 year old said this was the first time. Oh God! Wanting to break down and cry, I said that made us very happy to watch them eating; to know that for today at least, they would not be hungry. I also said that I was very sorry that life was so hard for them, and that my wish was for it to be different in the future. Aaron shared that we wanted to bless them and to let them know that there is a God who cares about them.

Julie with one of the younger boys

As we took the children back to the border after their meal, one little girl started crying. She had heard that Kristen, with whom she had really connected, was going back to Canada and that she would not see her again. We also found out that she was afraid that she would be beaten for coming with us when she was supposed to have been begging. So we went with her to find the woman she said was her mother to try to explain. But this lady did not want to talk with us, and there was not much we could do. It was so hard to watch this little girl walking away, looking back at us, tears running down her cheeks. (One is never sure whether it is really the mother or the ‘handler’; the handler supervises a group of child beggars, each of whom have to bring in a certain amount of money each day or face the consequences. The reason we were unsure about the identity of this woman was that the child had previously told us that her mother was sick, and that this was why she was begging.)

Back at lunch, Kristen was having a hard time with her emotions. Pretty much like the rest of us. It was a solemn meal.

We  didn’t feel like we had much more to give in the way of ministry that afternoon, so it was a relief to sign up for a service project at the restaurant to which we had taken the children instead. It was really dirty – obviously they don’t have food hygiene inspections here! So we took everything out of the restaurant and cleaned and cleaned. Within a while we had gathered an interested audience, who were rather surprised to see a group of Westerners cleaning a Khmer restaurant! The owners of the restaurant were so grateful, and even though they were not Christians (there was a large altar to Buddha in the restaurant), they said that we had brought the love and the peace of Jesus to them. I got very hot and bothered – those English genes! Eventually I asked for an ice cube which I rubbed along the back of my neck and on my head. It melted within a few minutes. I must have been rather overheated! 

Back at our hotel it was good to have a cold shower and to lie on my bed for a while. I skipped supper in order to have time to do this, and it was worth it. Back at XP we had a worship concert in the street which was great fun. It began to rain, but of course it was not cold, so we stayed outside and danced and sang and were refreshed physically, spiritually and emotionally. It was particularly special to sing a song in English, and then to have the Khmer version of the same song. It was with a full heart that we ended the evening singing ‘Hallelujah’ together; people from America, Canada, Australia, Britain and Cambodia, together worshipping the same God with a song that remains the same in every language. 

Cambodia Trip - Thursday, Day 4

Today I woke up, completely refreshed, at 07h00. My body has – it seems – adjusted to the different time zone.

At breakfast I sat with Lay, and we discussed the weather, amongst other things. To my amusement I heard that October and November is the cool season in Cambodia. My body certainly does not agree!

At the XP Centre we had a wonderful ‘God Time’, worship and prayer, followed by a time of sharing and praying for each other. We have had two young women visiting us from Phnom Penh. Gillian is from Ireland, and Shelly is from the USA, but they spent time last year working with Heidi Baker in Mocambique, and then came to Cambodia. They are involved in the establishing of IRIS, Cambodia, and they are working with other NGO’s in Phnom Penh, especially ‘Daughters of Cambodia’. 

They shared something of their experiences during this last year. They, like us, have been working predominantly with prostitutes and street children. They have however been doing it for longer. It is one thing to do this kind of work for a week; quite another to do it for a year. It is not easy, reaching out to these people. There is so much pain. It gets rather overwhelming at times. They spoke of the importance of keeping one’s eye on Jesus so as not to become discouraged and give up. Later, one of our team had a picture of them on a roundabout. She said that maybe it felt like they were just going around and around, but that every time they came around, they were seen, riding that white horse, and that this had impact. It was good to be able to pray for them and to bring some encouragement to them. We also prayed for XP leaders on the ground here – Malina for Thailand and Andrea for Cambodia.

The vision of IRIS Cambodia is to, amongst other things, have a base in Sihanoukville, by the sea; to have a drop in centre, and safe homes. There are, apparently, a lot of homeless children who live on the beach... and sadly, there are the brothels too.

At one point in the morning Lay came over and thanked me for coming to Cambodia, and for loving the people of Cambodia. What do you say in response to a thing like this? He is a man who carries a gentle humility and a tremendous quietness, but there is so much strength in him too. It feels like I who should be thanking him, not the other way around. I said that I was so honoured to have been given the opportunity by God to come, and to love Cambodia. That is was a great privilege. Which it is.

On my way to lunch I was greeted by a little sweetheart boy, who came running over to give me ‘High Fives’. Except that having given them, he put his hands back in mine and laughed up at me. I picked him up and hugged him, and he hugged me back. There are no words to explain how interactions like these just pull my heart right outside of myself. It takes a while to regain my equilibrium. The gift of love given and received is powerful beyond measure.

On my way back from lunch I was hailed by 4 other young boys, shouting out ‘Hello, Hello’ and smiling and waving. So I stopped to give them some stickers. They really like getting these, and they laughed so much as I stuck them on the shirts of the two that had shirts on – and on the bare chests of the other two!

On one of the side streets of Poipet there is a market, and this is where our team went for the afternoon. We had a couple of chairs and noticeboard offering prayer, and we set up our little ‘prayer centre’ in the shade of a nearby shop. It was very hot. Immediately three small children came running up to see what we were doing. I gave them some stickers and after that they were our shadows, following us everywhere, giggling and laughing and chatting amongst themselves. It turned out that the two little girls were twins, and that their home was nearby, but that they came to the market to see what was going on as there was nothing to do at their home. We never did manage to establish where the little boy was from and whether he had a home. 

Whenever we hugged or touched these children, they just melted into our arms, and it was easy to feel how empty their ‘love tanks’ were. They just soaked up whatever attention we gave them as if they were desert sand. I had such a lump in my throat. Children should never need loving like this. They are supposed to be full.

People stopped, mainly because they were curious, and when we explained who we were and asked if they would like us to pray for them, most said ‘Yes please’. After a while a group of teenage boys, street kids, stopped. One boy, asked for prayer. Another boy sat down on a chair to wait for him. I walked over to him and put my arm around his shoulders and he just leaned into me. Like a whipped dog shown a bit of kindness. His pain was so tangible it made it hard to breathe. Rage and tears were threatening to take over. Rage that a boy of 15, who has not really even begun to live yet, should be so wounded; tears because there was so little I could do to make any difference at all.

I knelt down next to him and asked him his name and how old he was. It was Poon, and he was 15 years old. I said that I could feel a lot of pain coming from his heart; that I thought he had suffered a lot in his life. He looked at me and whispered: ‘Yes.’ Kim, my interpreter, ascertained that yes, he was a street child, and that he no longer lived with his parents. At this point the leader of his group called and said he had to go. I asked the leader if I could pray with him for 5 minutes and grudgingly he gave permission, but I no longer had Poon’s attention; he was too afraid. Worried that there would be negative consequences for him if he delayed much, I prayed quickly, asking God to protect him and keep him safe. I had a picture of a huge blanket being wrapped around him, and so I told him this and said that I would continue to pray for him, and then I let him go. I would have liked a photograph to remember him, but there was no time for that. Within a few seconds he was on the back of a motorbike with 3 other boys and speeding off in a cloud of dust.

Later, in our van, there was a bitterness in my mouth as Ken told me that he had seen someone beat this boy Poon with a whip. Why? I don’t know. Maybe he was stealing, or trying to steal? It’s not easy to make a living just by begging. Maybe it was just because he was a street child, vermin, riff-raff? Maybe if you had asked the person who beat him, he would have said: ‘Because I can!’ Who would speak up for a child like this or protect him in any kind of way? He might as well have worn a sign saying ‘Whip me’! 

One thing is certain though... this child was so down-trodden that he would not be much of a threat to anyone. I couldn’t help but remember our Brazilian boys, similar in age and situation, and it was a while before I was able to smile again.

Back at our hotel there was time to begin writing an update... this one that I hope to finish now! And I had coconut juice with Elizabeth, also from England.

In the evening there was the weekly Kid’s Club at the XP Centre. This was great fun – we played Musical Chairs and it was wild and raucous and noisy! The street children from the day before were there, looking as wild and dishevelled as ever, but they were smiling and happy, and pleased to see us.

Supper was at the Asian Buffet at the Casino at the border, and I had Thai noodles and chicken, which was just delicious. I have to confess that I had two helpings, not because I was hungry, but because the food tasted so good.

In the evening we had a Praise and Worship session in the street outside XP. And then it was back to our hotel, for bed... and we were more than ready to be there.

Cambodia Trip - Wednesday, Day 3

Today was a super busy day. I woke up at 04h00 for some reason, and then couldn’t go back to sleep. So I put some music on and had ‘God Time’ – which felt as good as sleeping. Looking back on the day, I am glad I had such a good start, as it was intense and full.

I skipped breakfast so that I could post updates on the blog and photos on Facebook, going to Destiny Cafe in order to do so. I had an iced coffee, which was delicious. I then walked down to the XP centre, arriving just in time for worship.

Straight after this we divided into our teams – I was pleased to see that I was in Malina’s group for the day. I have a particular love for this amazing woman, and never feel like I get to spend enough time ‘hanging out’ with her as I would like.

Our first task was a service project at the hospital, where we were given a choice between cleaning or picking up garbage. Yemi (originally from Ethiopia but now also living in the UK) and I teamed up to collect garbage and we were very busy and very hot for 45 minutes or so. In our last bit of time we went in search of a child Yemi had prayed for a day or two before; this child had been very ill, and she wanted to know how she was doing. We were delighted to see the child looking well and happy and smiling. We prayed for her again, and also for her young mother, who was blind in one eye.

Back at our hotel I had a quick shower and then it was back to Hope and Health for lunch, after which we had a little bit of free time. In the afternoon we divided into groups, some going to the border village and others going to the school to play games with the children there.

I went with Malina and the rest of our group to the border, where we collected a group of street children and took them for lunch. It was a wonderful time and absolutely powerful to watch the transformational energy of love at work. When the children arrived they were scruffy and dirty and hard and a little defensive. One hour later they were clean, fed, tidied, and full of laughter and fun – just like any child should be. The series of photos we took show the change as it happened. I left thinking about how little it really takes to change a life. Just a bit of willingness to get involved; to relate to people as people rather than as problems; to give of the gift of ourselves. These children are so used to being rejected, sent away, treated as rubbish. When we recognised them for who they are, they changed. If this is what could happen in an hour, there is so much hope for what can happen with more long term investment.

One little girl’s hair was so matted and tangled; it looked awful. I took a comb and began trying to make some sort of sense of it without hurting her too much. It was a difficult task indeed. But eventually it was untangled enough for me to begin braiding it; I gave her a French plait, and she looked so pretty afterwards that it was hard to believe she was the same child. The same with the other two girls. After they had eaten, we were able to chat a bit with them. None of the children had a father, although some had a mother. Three of the children were siblings, part of a family of 9 children. We asked where there mother was; apparently she was not well, and was at home with the baby of the family. We asked these three what they do all day. They beg. And collect plastic bottles for recycling. How old are they? 13, 11 and 9 years old. Do they go to school? No. Can they read and write? No. When did they last eat? This is the first time they are eating today.

During the prayer time before our team left on this visit to the border, I had felt God ask if He could break my heart a little more. I had said ‘Yes’, if it would help. I guess I don’t need to tell you that that particular prayer was answered.

We got back at the XP Centre just in time for English class. I had volunteered to teach a class, our experience in Brazil fresh in my mind. My group was very studious. We were learning colours, and they worked hard. Next to us, Julie’s group was wild. Later we joked about the influence of the English teacher (me) versus the Hispanic teacher (Julie). In reality, she just had the lively little kids. I was lucky!

Because we taught English we missed supper, so food was kept and sent to the XP Centre for us. I took my supper back to my hotel room and ate it there while I showered and changed – we didn’t have very long because we were going to Karioke bars to meet with some of the girls who work there. 

I ended up in a one-on-one conversation with one girl, and I had an interpreter all to myself too. This was an unusual situation, as normally we have to share, so there was a lot more time for conversation. Her name was ‘Ya’, and I told her that in Afrikaans it sounds like the word for ‘yes’. She liked this idea! I asked her whether she had ever had a woman come to visit her at the bar and she said ‘Never’. So I asked her if she had any idea why were were there. She said ‘No’. I explained that we were women too, and that we were concerned about her and the other girls, and that we wanted to show our concern by coming to spend some time with them. 

During the course of our conversation I found out that she came from a village nearby, and that she had ended up in prostitution because of debt. She had had a shop once, but she allowed her neighbours and friends to take goods without paying – they always promised to pay later, but they never did. Eventually she ended up with a lot of debt and no means to pay and she lost her business. I asked how old she was and she said 24. I asked how she felt about her work. She said that she hates it but there is no other work and so she has no choice. I asked her what her hopes are for the future. She said she dreams of having a shop again. At which point my interpreter said he should advise her about debt and I agreed, so they had a conversation in which he said that if she ever got to have a shop again, she should make people pay cash always, and even if they got upset with her, they would get over it after a while. I said that it was clear that she had a very soft heart and that she liked to make people happy, but that this was a problem if she did not also look after herself. And then I said that I was similar, and that maybe, like me, she needed a protector. I told her that Jesus was my Protector, and that since He had come into my life I had felt safe, even when there was trouble. I asked her if she had ever heard of Jesus. She said ‘No’. So I told her a little bit about Him, but then said that maybe she needed some time to think about it and that I would just ask God to watch over her. At which point she took the wind right out of my sails by saying ‘No, I want to follow Jesus right now!’ I was like a fish out of water – gasping! I had not expected this and so I had nothing at all to say for a moment or two! But then I recovered and prayed with her to ask Jesus to be her Lord and her Protector. We then gave her a Scripture booklet and took her name and phone number so that we could ask the pastor of the church to contact her. And then I prayed for her to have another opportunity to have her own shop.

By the time we got back to our hotel I was absolutely tired out. Finished! Kaput! What an intense day!

Cambodia Trip - Tuesday, Day 2

This morning I woke up 10 minutes after my alarm had started ringing. Strangely, the sound got translated in my dream into the sound of a ship’s horn. But after a while my conscious mind began arguing with my unconscious, insistently saying: ‘But you don’t get ships in Poipet!’ This thought was enough, after a while, to startle me into waking – when of course I realised that it was not a ship’s horn at all, but the alarm!

At breakfast I got a huge surprise – muesli! Muesli and yoghurt and fruit. Wow! In Cambodia! I don’t know where it came from, but I have to say that it was lovely – especially when I was expecting rice and egg. I had a good catch-up chat with Elizabeth, also from England, and who had been with us in Pattaya for Operation Extreme Love earlier in the year. She has such a heart for the women, and I was excited to hear that she is considering coming to spend an extended period of time here in Cambodia.

After prayer and worship Aaron spoke on Justice. It was a powerful and directional talk, and afterwards it was some time before anyone had anything at all to say. Considering that we are a rather vocal bunch of people, it illustrates how much impact there was.

We then set off towards the border, where we spent a bit of time handing out the illustrated booklet of Bible stories in Khmer. The children particularly love receiving these. We had split into two groups and while we walked up the right side of the road, our fellow team members walked up the left. As they walked past the market, they noticed a woman lying in a strange position at the back of the stalls, and they went over to see if they could help. She turned out to be very ill, and after praying for her they arranged to take her to the hospital. Her husband was very grateful, as he had no money to take her to there. On our side of the street, we encountered two nuns from Mother Teresa’s charity in Calcutta. They were on their way to Siem Reap, so we only had time for a quick conversation with them. 

We wandered back towards Hope & Health – it was almost time for lunch. As we walked I chatted with Narith and Sambo. Sambo was telling us about the one time he had tried to ride a horse, and about how much more difficult it was than riding a motorcycle, because of balance challenges, and because of the simple truth that the horse has a will of his own. We had a good laugh about this, and then I told him a little bit about True Connection, and about how we can synchronise together, horse and person so that it is as if they share one will – but that it is quite difficult to do. 

When I was telling him about this, I think he caught a glimpse of what it is that makes horses so very precious to me. ‘Awesome!’ he said – just as if he had spent time with my friend Ingela!

The horse conversation was not yet concluded, although the participants changed. I sat with Malina, and she wanted to know more about Brazil. I told her about the boys, and about how much I have grown to love them, and about how much I wish it were possible to change their circumstances. And, of course, about their excellent horsemanship. And about how the horses have contributed to their emotional and spiritual healing. About what horses have done for me in my life, and why I am so completely persuaded that they are wonderful facilitators to self-understanding and wholeness. About the things God has done in my life because of my own horses. And then I told her a bit about my own horses, and she shared that she would like to ride a horse; that, in fact, her husband had promised her a riding lesson for her birthday some time ago and that she had not yet had it. And then the idea came that maybe, just maybe, when next she is in Europe, she could come to Longfields and ride with us. This would make me very happy if it were to happen. I can’t say I know Malina well at all – but what I do know of her is so beautiful that I can’t help loving her. We share a common heart with regard to the well-being of children.

Malina then gave me an update on the developing connections with the Thailand authorities, and the increasing understanding that is coming between her and them. This is such wonderful news, because up until recently it was very difficult indeed to rescue trafficked Cambodian children in Thailand. There is hope that this sad situation is changing.

In the afternoon Ken shared a bit from his wealth of experience in different countries about the importance of discipleship, and about the sharing of responsibilities as a team.  

And then we split up into groups and went to different brothels in the city. We went to the brothel near the hospital, the same brothel to which I had gone on my very first visit to a brothel. We were a group of 6 people including our two interpreters, so they gave us three girls. What a contrast to other times we had visited brothels. The girls knew who we were because members of our team had been there the week before, and so instead of the usual 15 to 25 minute wait, they came running into the room just after we had sat down. One girl shared that she was so excited to see us that she didn’t even take time to wash her face before coming. Two of the girls sat with Narith and two of our team, and the other girl sat with Kim and Ken and me. As we asked questions about her life, Kim interpreting, she shared with us that she was 22 years old and that she came from a province far away, and that it took eleven hours to get home. That she had been working here for two months. She said that she used to work in a garment factory in Phnom Penh, but that she had decided to leave because they didn’t pay very much. I asked her what hours she had worked and how much she was paid and she said she had worked from 07h00 till 17h00 with a 1 hour break for lunch. And that she had been paid $50 per month. I felt a rush of anger, hearing this. It is one thing to hear about Fair Trade and the importance of supporting it, but it is another matter entirely when you meet a person who has been affected by the kind of exploitation of which we had heard. It is a tragic thing when a young person feels that she has no other choice but to prostitute herself in order to earn a decent wage. The economic reality is that it is very hard to survive, never mind live, on less than $2 a day.

I shared with her that when I was a young person, I had found life very hard because there were a lot of problems in my family. And that I had been very lonely. And that Jesus had shown Himself to be my Friend and that I had talked to Him about my problems and that He had helped me. I told her that things had got even worse in my home, but that I had been better in my heart, because now I had hope. I told her that I had seen in Scripture that God puts the lonely in families, and I had asked Him to do this for me, because I was lonely. That it had taken time, but one day I realised that my prayers had been answered, because God had given me a good husband and children and I was not alone any more.

I then asked her if there was anything I could ask Jesus to do for her. And her answer caused my heart to weep. She said she would like it if we could pray for her because she felt so dishonoured by everyone – clients and everyone else – in the way they looked at her because they know what work she does. This in a culture that esteems honour above most other things. And she was young and beautiful and sweet. Not deserving of the humiliation she was experiencing at all. Certainly not the prototype of a prostitute.

During the course of these last two years, there is one thing that God has ministered to me again and again; it is to do with value. He has shown me that my value is absolute and set – that it was determined the day He began to think of me, set on the day He created me, and confirmed when Jesus died for me. There is nothing I can do to increase or to decrease my value in His eyes. Which means, of course, that my honour is immovable to. Because value and honour go hand in hand.

So I looked her in the eyes and said that I was very sorry that people had dishonoured her, and that they had no right to do so, because God has determined her honour, and that it is very high. I said that the honour of man goes up and down depending on what we do, but that the honour of God never moves, no matter what we do. Needless to say, I was exceptionally grateful to Kim for being able to explain these concepts, in Khmer, with clarity and eloquence. I felt like she was reading my heart, not just listening to my words. And the message was getting through; I just knew it.

Ken than asked her if she knew of Jesus. And she said that she did, because an elderly person in her village had taught her. He asked whether she had yet opened her heart to Jesus, and she said ‘No’, but that she would like to do so now. So it was over to Kim, who prayed with her and helped her to receive Christ as her Lord. And then I prayed for her, that she would know the honour God bestows on her in spite of what people do or say. After this we asked her how she felt. We didn’t really need to – a huge smile had replaced the sadness in her face and she said she felt light. Ken then said that she should remind herself that she is special whenever she looks in the mirror. And I said ‘Like medicine!’ and we all laughed.

Meanwhile the other team members had had a lot of fun chatting with their girls too – we heard a lot of laughter and conversation. All too soon our hour was up and we had to leave. This is the hard part, leaving. 

Everything in us just wants to rescue these young women, but there is no way right now to do so. This is one of the challenges for Poipet – we really need a centre like Tamar here, a place where prostitutes can go to get the help they need if they are to change their lifestyles. Just yesterday there was a young woman who really did want to make a change, and she came to XP with one of our team members, and it was a hard, hard thing to have to tell her that we were not able to help her right now and that she had to go back to the brothel. We have taken her contact details and Andrea is going to see if there is an organisation in Siem Reap (or even Phnom Penh) able to take her. The problem is that there are too many young girls and not enough resources. This is a desperate need – one worth praying into and considering.

Back at the XP centre I had ½ hour to write this update and then we went for supper. Rice and chicken with cashew nuts. This is a delicious combination; one that I remembered from my time here in May. I sat with two young women from IRIS ministries; they are part of a new initiative of IRIS in Phnom Penh. It was exciting to hear of their experiences, both in Mocambique and in Cambodia.

Finally we had some time to share stories and experiences. It is always precious to hear what has been happening; we are so busy that we don’t notice much outside of what we are doing ourselves. Team members had amazing stories to share of people being helped and encouraged. It certainly made us feel that the effort of coming all this way had been worth it.

Ken had asked me earlier whether I noticed any changes since my trip in May. I was not sure and needed a bit of time to think about it. Suddenly this evening I did realise one very big difference. Wherever we walk we are greeted with shouts of ‘Hello, Hello’ and smiles as the little children come running out on the sidewalks to touch us or to do ‘High Fives’. And adults nod in greeting, and smile too. Someone told one of the team members that ‘The Christians help us’. Yes! This is how things should be. This is the life Jesus lived. This is the manifestation of the Gospel we who follow Him are supposed to bring. This is what it means to be a Christian.

Cambodia Trip - Monday, Day 1

 Monday morning I was awake, bright and early, at 04h00! My poor body was obviously a little confused! Too many time zone changes over the last couple of weeks! I spent the time sorting photos from the Brazil trip (I haven’t had a chance to do so yet), and listening to an excellent sermon by Graham Cooke entitled ‘Living from the Place of Dreaming’. Well yeh! That is kind of what I have been doing this last year, so I could relate to it.

Our day started with breakfast, and it was hard to contain my delight when Narith, Sambo and Lay arrived. They had been our interpreters on our last trip, and I had grown to love them a lot. I forgot all about cultural norms and protocol and hugged them all. What a crazy version of an Englishwoman they have to relate to! Not much in the way of reservation there. Blame a good dose of South African culture and friendliness for that!

Breakfast over we went to the XP centre for our planning session. I discovered that I would be going with Andrea to one of the high-end brothels. There was a slight possibility that this was where Siem, the young woman with whom I had connected so powerfully on our last trip, had been sent. So I was hopeful. As it turned out, none of the people to whom we spoke knew of her.

At the brothel we were ushered into a Karioke room, and the attendant thoughtfully set up the karaoke with English songs so that we could sing while we were waiting. We had fun, singing all sorts of ‘golden oldies’, and finishing off with ‘Stand by Me’, which was kind of appropriate. Eventually the mamasang arrived, along with three young women. I always find it difficult, looking into these young faces, and knowing what they are subjected to every day. Sophy interpreted for one half of our group, and they ended up with the mamasang and one of the girls. We had Samnang, and the other two girls. We asked them to tell us a bit about their lives. One was a mother of a son, and her husband had left her, so her son was being raised by her parents in a far away province of Cambodia. She had come to Poipet to find work so that she would be able to provide for her family.

The other, 22 years old, had also been driven into this life by economic pressure – she had parents who were old and not well, and she had to earn money for them. They knew only that she had found work; they did not know what kind of work. I couldn’t help but think of my own 22 year old, who, just four days before, had graduated from her university, a life full of hope and beauty and promise ahead of her. In contrast, what was there for this pretty young woman? What room for dreams and aspirations? At worst, rape and abuse and HIV. At best, multiple sexual encounters with strangers. And what can we really do? Other than offer an hour of our time, paid for, in which we ask nothing from her, but offer her the comradeship and compassion of womanhood, and the love we have received from our God? It kind of breaks one’s heart.... but I am learning to live with brokenness. This, after all, is exactly how Jesus lived on this earth – embracing pain and suffering and distress, absorbing it into His own vast love. In my case too, I am learning to allow the pain through and onward, into Him.

After lunch, we had a training session with Bart. Which was very good, except that looking at me, you might not have thought so. My early start had caught up with me, and I was finding it exceptionally hard to keep my eyes open. I realised the severity of my problem when, looking down at my notes, I realised that I had written half a sentence with lucidity, but that things had then tapered off into an unrecognisable scribble!

At 15h00 we set off to the HIV village, so-called because many of the inhabitants (men, women and children) are HIV-positive. Earlier in the week members of the team had packed up food parcels – rice and fish and salt and oil - to take with us. It was an exceptionally bumpy drive along dirt roads to get to the village. Along the way there were many small children, dogs, chickens and cattle. We kept shouting – probably unnecessarily - to our driver to ‘Watch out!’. It was a bit nerve-racking, and we were glad when we arrived.

Immediately we were surrounded by a crowd of children. While our team leaders spoke with the village overseer, and planed how best to distribute the food to people, the rest of us had fun with the children. Jeremiah got them playing games that included actions, and then one of our interpreters led them in singing. The children surprised us completely with a clear rendition of ‘Head, and Shoulders, Knees & Toes’!

I had brought stickers and bubbles with me, and I began sticking stickers on a few of the children’s t-shirts. Within a short while there was a queue of children, waiting for stickers. What always touches my heart, here in Poipet, is how the older children push the little ones forward to get what is being offered, even at the risk of not getting anything for themselves. I gave a few bottles of bubbles to other team members and we began blowing them. Some children wanted to blow bubbles too, while others enjoyed catching the bubbles. Small things, simple things, but with the power to give a lot of joy. Malina came over and offered to take a few photos for me. While she was doing this, one of the children came running over to her and wrapped her arms around her. Malina just stood and hugged her for a long time. It was like watching a love tank being filled.

We handed out the food packages we had brought and asked if anyone wanted prayer. A lot of people did, and so we went from person to person and prayed for them. I ended up with two precious old ladies – I couldn’t understand them and they couldn’t understand me, but we smiled at each other and held hands and smiled some more, and I saw, yet again, that there is language we speak without words. They gave me so much honour. Yet again I found myself wanting to cry. They, out of what little they had, were giving gifts to me; older women to a younger woman. This kind of thing keeps happening – I came to Cambodia to give, but I find that I am the one receiving.

When the children noticed the camera in my hands, they came running. They love to have their photos taken. It is such a delight to them to see themselves in a photo, and digital technology has made this possible. After a while they began pulling funny faces and then when I showed them the picture they just laughed and laughed and laughed. It was very funny. All too soon it was time to go. As I turned to leave there was a little girl holding onto me. I looked down and she was smiling back at me. So I picked her up – she was as light as a feather. I hugged her and she smiled proudly at the children on the ground, and then looked at me, and smiled again. She was completely wonderful. I asked Narith to take a photograph of me with her, but it was just not possible, because the moment he lifted the camera to his face children crowded in front of us to be in the photo too. We tried a few times and then I just gave up and accepted that I would not get a photo just with her. I hugged this little girl again and as I did so, I was just overcome with love for her, so I kissed her on the cheek a couple of times and she smiled even more. I absolutely did not want to put her down again, and it was hard to do so. But by now I was being hugged by three other little bodies, so I leaned down and kissed them too. Such delight! Oh my goodness.... is it this easy to make a little child happy?

Driving back in the van I felt overwhelmed. Everyone was talking about what a wonderful time we had had and how great the people were to relate to and what a good thing it was to be able to give food and so on, but I felt like I had left my heart behind... it took a while to catch up with me.

I am glad to discover this amazing thing about hearts.... that they just expand and expand and expand to contain all the people God gives us to love. We never run dry, because His love is never-ending; there is always a new supply. And so I find that I can care about each one that comes across my path. This is a tremendous thing, and I feel privileged indeed to be discovering it.

In the evening we decided to take some time off. So we went to one of the Casino’s and bought Frappe’s and ice creams at a shop that was very much a copy of Starbucks; it made us laugh. It was a lovely evening of chatting and getting to know other members of the team. And then it was back to our hotel, where I planned to write this update, but as I said earlier, I fell asleep on the job. 

Cambodia Trip - Arrivals

I had a very good flight. I do like flying with Air France! They must be the only airline of whom it can be honestly said that the meals are delicious! And accompanied by a neat little bottle of red wine!

Sitting next to me was the cutest little four year old you could ever hope to meet. She was incredibly well behaved too. I have to admit that I was quite astonished – when I first saw who would be sitting next to me, I thought I was in for a busy and disruptive flight! Instead, she slept most of the time, and watched a movie for the rest.

I arrived an hour late in Bangkok, and was concerned that my pre-arranged Taxi might have thought I wasn’t coming. But no, there he was, waiting, sign saying ‘Cathering Koetsier’ uplifted in his hand. He was as relieved to see me as I was to see him! I don’t speak much Thai, and couldn’t even remember how to say ‘Hello’. And his English was limited to ‘Hello’! So our conversation was governed by a lot of expressive actions. You learn, rather quickly, not to be a recluse when you travel! It is a matter of survival!

The 4 hour drive to the border went by quickly; probably because I was asleep for most of the journey. It is a bit intimidating when you arrive at the border, and I was very glad to have done the whole procedure once before... it was not quite a case of setting out into the great unknown, although it felt like it. The problem is that the taxi becomes one’s new security, and the driver the one familiar face in all the world. So when you realise that you now have to get out of that taxi, hand over your money and take your (huge and heavy) suitcase all by yourself and walk to the border post, you feel decidedly vulnerable! Lugging my heavy case, I wondered all over again whether I really needed to bring so much stuff (the truth is that more than half the contents of the case are toys and sweets for the children and gifts for CHO and XP friends). As I walked, I suddenly realised that I had come all this way without a very important item – my sunhat! I never forget my hat, but now, coming to one of the hottest climates in the world, I had forgotten it. So I found a stall selling various items and successfully managed to communicate my desire to purchase a hat, and bought a funny cotton item that will probably only survive this particular trip.

That done, it was time to face the border officials. Through the Thailand border post, with a very authoritarian and unsmiling official who spent a long time scrutinising my passport before he finally stamped it. And then the long walk (it’s not actually long, but it feels like it when you are lugging a heavy suitcase and it seems like everyone is staring at you in curiosity) through no-man’s land (casinos on either side and probably the most Western looking part of Western Cambodia, so not as dismal as the description sounds). Every step takes you further into poverty... or this is the feeling; Thailand is a land of wealth and opportunity in comparison with Cambodia, and this is noticeable at the border. Finally you reach the Cambodia border post and queue for ages. By now sweat is literally  dripping off your forehead and you have lost whatever English decorum you might ever have had.

Once again my passport – and my face - was scrutinised for ages. I wondered why? Maybe it was because there are now a lot of stamps in my passport? Maybe it was because I had visited just 6 months ago and the officials wondered why on earth I was back again so soon? Maybe it was because of the Brazilian stamps in my passport? (I had been shocked and dismayed to discover that Thailand would not permit the entry of a visitor who had been in Brazil recently unless they had proof of Yellow Fever vaccinations – I didn’t have this all important proof, but I was arriving ONE day after the mandatory ban period of 7 days). Needless to say I felt very relieved when I got the second stamp of approval in my passport and was allowed to pass into Cambodia. Imagine coming all this way only to be turned back!

It was amusing to realise that I was really happy to be back in Poipet. The city is tremendously poor and scruffy. And hot! Garbage lies everywhere. And the smell that pervades everything takes more than a while to get used to. But even while my senses were in revolt against the choice I had made to be here, my heart was leaping about in joy.

Trudging along towards the roundabout I was gathering my courage for the motorbike trip I now had to face. Sure enough, smiling faces greeted me and I was invited to deposit myself plus my suitcase on the back of a bike. No thanks! One again this was more than I had courage for. So my suitcase went on one bike, and I went on the other. My momentary relief turned to dismay when I realised that I had set off but that my suitcase did not seem to be following... I wondered whether it would actually arrive at the hotel. Oh well, my camera, laptop and passport were safely in my backpack; I suppose I could make do without the rest. But no, the second bike arrived safely just moments after my arrival. We had both survived. You may wonder why I am making such a fuss about such a small think as a pleasant motorbike ride through a city. This is because you have not yet experienced it! You wear no helmet, and neither does your motorcyclist! The main road through the city – you may remember from my previous blogs – is a maelstrom of trucks, cars, motorbikes, cyclists and pedestrians, all of whom seem to be doing exactly as they please and driving anywhere they wish. There is order of sorts I suppose, but it is certainly not evident to my British trained eyes.

I handed over the 200 Baht transport fee with gratitude and relief and escaped into the lobby of the hotel. Familiar ground! In my room I stripped off my sticky clothes and stood under a cold shower. What a relief. And then I collapsed on my bed and slept, deeply, for two hours.

At 17h00 I headed off to Destiny Cafe to meet the team... where I was greeted by Bart and his grandsons. What a delight! Bart and his wife, Kim, became particular favourites of ours when we spent time with them in Poipet and Pattaya in May. It was great to see Bart again. Supper turned out to be at Hope & Health, a little way down the road from the hotel. It was good to negotiate that dreaded road with Bart’s 11 year old grandson, Jeremiah, who saw the whole thing as a big adventure.

Of course supper was wonderful. Not just for the familiarity of rice and vegetables (for all the taste buds complain about it, the body seems to prefer eating this way), but also for the familiar faces. Andrea, Malina, Ken, Sophy... and a whole lot of new people. The team had already been here for a week, and there were only two of us joining them. So there was already a very good sense of cohesiveness and unity and focus. It is surprising in some ways, the variety of people that choose to do these trips. 

Perhaps one would expect a particular sort of person, some sort of prototype. Truth is there are people from all walks of life, from many nations and cultures. Some are young and some are older, men and women, and even children. Some are couples, some are single. The one thing we all share in common is a heart for justice, and a longing to see people loved and restored to dignity.

After supper we all went off to the XP centre where we had a great time talking with each other, worshipping God and praying for the city and the people of Poipet.